


If I Stay

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Matter of Life and Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-07 11:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: ALTERNATIVE ENDING FOR 3x18What if something happened between Alec breaking up with Magnus and Asmodeus finding his son? Magnus gets into a car-accident and finds himself outside his own body, stuck between life and death. Will he decide to return to his body and continue living, or will he let go? Will he find out how much he has left to stay for before time runs out and he makes up his mind?LOOSELY INSPIRED BY THE BOOK AND MOVIE OF THE SAME TITLE





	1. Crash On Memory Lane

**Author's Note:**

> For a while now I’ve felt something nagging my mind. Which is a sure sign that a story-idea is coming to life. And, ta-da! Here we are. (chuckles) This possibility just refused to leave me alone.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I... own... nothing, sadly. Because if I did there’d be a Malec spin-off of the show or season 4 coming. (POUTS) I also don’t own the movie and book which inspired this.
> 
> WARNINGS: Mentions of injury... Pain and angst, because this IS my story... Weirdness... You know, the usual fun stuff.
> 
> Okay... Let’s go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

Magnus stood frozen where Alec left him, barely able to breathe from the pain clawing and gnawing at all of him. His throbbing head spun, trying to make sense of what just happened. Of what he just lost.

Honestly, he’d been dreading this since Iris, since it was made blatantly obvious how useless and broken, how much of a burden, he’d become. He did his best to hide it from Alec, terrified of this very outcome. Then he drank too much and lost control. Said horrible things to the person who mattered the most in the world to him. And it cost him the one good thing he’d had left. Because Alec finally saw the same thing oh so many past loves of Magnus’ had.

A disappointment.

Considering how many times Magnus had been dumped in the past, in a wide variety of ways, it shouldn’t have hurt this much. Shouldn’t have made him feel like his heart had been ripped out by that desperate final kiss Alec barely returned. But then again, this was different. Alec was supposed to be different. No, Alec _was_ different. Enough so to make Magnus dream of things he'd accepted long since he'd never get. And now...

Magnus inhaled a painful breath, more lost and lonelier than ever in his life, and felt the last of the spark Alec mentioned dying out. 

Alec didn't want him anymore. Who would’ve wanted him like this? He couldn’t blame the archer on finally realizing as much.

Magnus stood there for the longest time. Wondering what he was supposed to do now that he had nothing left. With no idea where he was supposed to go when he had no place to go, nowhere to call his home.

He did have to go somewhere. Because his aching chest was on fire. He couldn’t breathe inside the store where he was promised that for the first time in centuries he had a family willing to support him. Only to have it all ripped away and his heart shattered a blink of an eye later.

Magnus needed to get out, immediately.

Crisp air slapped Magnus’ face mercilessly as soon as he stepped out but he barely noticed. He advanced aimlessly, putting one foot in front of the other mechanically. Perhaps he’d be able to get away from the memories taunting him if he’d manage to walk far enough.

/ _“Magnus, I love you.”_ /

Those words echoing in his head distracted Magnus to a point where he wasn’t paying any attention to where he was going. Until he was in the middle of a street. And the lights of a fast approaching car pulled him harshly back to the present time.

His body had a precious handful of seconds to choose what to do. His mind screamed at it to move. Instead he stood frozen, blinded by the lights coming closer and closer.

Tick. / _“Who are you?”_ / Tock. / _He held Alec’s hand for the first time, and they both felt the tingle and electricity the simple touch caused._ / Tick. / _“I trust you. I don’t know why, but I do.”_ / Tock. / _Alec chose him over everything, over duty and family. Magnus feared that his heart might burst while they shared their first kiss in front of a wedding party. No one had ever chosen him before._ / Tick. / _“You’re beautiful.”_ / Tock. / _He shared his worst memory with Alec. Instead of running away the Shadowhunter embraced him protectively, held him close like someone who never wanted to let go. No matter how much the memory still hurt, Magnus had never felt more cherished and accepted in his incredibly long life._ / Tick. / _“I’m not going anywhere.”_ / Tock. / _They fastened a lock to symbolize their eternal love. And Magnus did something foolish. He chose to believe in it, in them._ / Tick. / _“I need a break, from us.”_ / Tock.

It was too late to move away.

The impact and landing hurt far less than they should’ve. Perhaps it was because Magnus felt his grasp on reality slipping. He blinked sluggishly and stared at the dark sky up above.

/ _“... staring into the eyes of the man that I love ...”_ /

Magnus’ eyes slipped closed. Slowly and effortlessly, like he was falling asleep. Until they opened, a second or a hundred years later.

The sky was still dark. Magnus could no longer feel any cold or pain, and for some reason that confused him. Slowly, experimentally, he began to push himself up. Encouraged by how easy it was, he rose to his feet and looked around, wondering what was going on.

There was a dark-blue car parked in the middle of the street. Two young women knelt by something on the ground, both of them frantic. One of them was talking to a phone. Their voices sounded like echoes to him, as though they were somewhere far away despite there being only a few steps between them.

“... came out of nowhere, why wasn’t he looking ...?”

“... losing too much blood ...”

“... stay with me ...”

/ _“Stay with me.”_ /

Magnus shook his fuzzy head. By then he was close enough to see what the women were working on. He blinked twice, slowly.

There, lay in a pool of blood, was his own body. Unconscious and immobile. If it wasn’t for the strangers’ continued efforts to save him he would’ve assumed that he was already dead. All things considered, he was fairly sure that he was dying, anyway.

Was this it? Hundreds of years of existence. And this was how it’d end?

The thought didn’t bother Magnus as much as it should’ve, when he had nothing to stay for, nothing to fight for.


	2. Phantom Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While medical professionals fight to save Magnus’ life his soul follows and his mind wanders. Does he find the will to keep fighting? Does he even have any choice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, folks. That’s right. It’s UPDATING TIME! (BEAMS)
> 
> THANK YOU, a million and one times, for the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING reception this fic received! All those comments and kudos... You’re fantastic! (HUGS)
> 
> Awkay. It’s GO TIME! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

Magnus felt like he was floating in some sort of a bizarre dream when he followed his own body to an ambulance. He was too lightheaded to pay any attention to the medical jargon the paramedics spouted out while working on him. Unable to do much else, he stared at himself.

It was safe to assume that his clothes had been destroyed permanently. Which, he figured, didn’t make much difference since it seemed he wouldn’t... be around to wear anything for much longer. His right arm was bent to an angle that definitely wasn’t healthy. The worst damage, however, seemed to have been done to his head. The back of it bled heavily before the medical professionals bandaged it hastily. Dried or drying blood caked most of his hair. His right cheek had taken some slight damage but mostly his face seemed to have remained unharmed. And it was his face he found himself staring at.

He seemed peaceful for the first time since losing his magic.

Understanding what that meant brought him to a haunting realization. His body was just a hollow shell fading away. He was confused by the fact that a tiny piece of his mind wasn’t comfortable with that knowledge.

Why was a part of him refusing to give up when it was adamantly clear that he had nothing left to hang on to? It wasn’t just his usual stubbornness. Something, or someone, was keeping him fighting. But it was getting harder and harder to remember what or who.

/ _“... continue to surprise me ...”_ /  
/ _“... you are different, and it’s a good thing ...”_ /  
/ _“... gorgeous, just like you ...”_ /  
/ _“I love you, too, Alexander.”_ /

It all came back to him, at least for a moment, in a bittersweet flash. Of course. Hanging on to things and people when he should’ve known better and let go... It did sound like his style.

It was just so hard to let go when he thought he’d finally found what he’d spent hundreds of years seeking.

If he wasn’t just a ghost Magnus would’ve sighed wearily. He was so tired, of fighting, disappointments and getting his heart broken time and time again. He wanted to rest.

Magnus’s body seemed to be in agreement with the mind detached from it. One of the paramedics swore when his heart stuttered before coming to a complete stop. There were a lot of shouts, accompanied by a frantic amount of activity. “... you dare give up on us now ...”

Magnus imagined that he was in pain before. It was nothing compared to what he experienced right then. Just a ghost or not, he squeezed his eyes shut and gasped, unable to draw in a single breath.

/ _“... just wanna help ...”_ /  
/ _“... I supposed to do, watch you suffer ...?”_ /  
/ _“... let me be here with you ...”_ /  
/ _“... there’s no fixing this ...”_ /  
/ _“... ever wanted is for you to be happy ...”_ /  
/ _“... I can’t, I’m sorry ...”_ /

In the middle of all that pain... No matter how badly his currently motionless heart hurt, there was only one thing it wanted. (Just like when his heart stopped while his body rejected Lorenzo’s magic.) Because his heaven wasn’t a place, it was a person.

/

Next thing Magnus knew, he was swaying softly in Alec’s arms. Slow music was playing but he didn’t pay a lot of attention to it. All he could focus on was the man in his arms, and the surreal amount of happiness filling all of him.

“I’m not stepping on your feet, am I?”

Magnus smiled, his eyes closed. “How could you be?” he whispered in the other’s ear. Having Alec pressed against him... He didn’t want to ever lose it. (Again.) “It’s like I’m walking on air.”

His words made Alec’s hold on him tighten.

Magnus sighed heavily. He felt himself slipping, and he didn’t want to go... “I’m not ready to wake up yet”, he murmured and rested his head against his beloved’s shoulder. Imaginary or not, it made him feel safer, eased the pain.

Alec kissed his cheek. The archer’s lips were far colder than usual. “But you have to”, the younger man urged gently, desperately. “Magnus, please...! Don’t make me lose you.”

Magnus’ chest clenched. He gritted his teeth, his grip on Alec tightening instead of letting go. “But I already lost you”, he reminded the dream-version of his ex-boyfriend bitterly.

Instead of answering Alec faded away. So did the music. All that remained was darkness.

“You and your dramatics...”, a familiar voice scoffed all of a sudden. Catching him off guard. “I must say... This pessimism doesn’t suit you.”

Magnus wanted to snark back but couldn’t find the strength or will.

“Don’t you remember what I told you anymore?” A hand squeezed his shoulder tenderly. It felt devastatingly real, and it took a lot of willpower to not grab it. “Fight for it.”

With that order Magnus was shoved almost violently from darkness into a blinding light.

/

Magnus’ eyes flew open and he continued to gasp like someone who was suffocating. His head spun, unable to focus. Alec and Ragnor, where did they go...? _Oh..._ That’s right, it was all just a dream. A sweet little fantasy.

He was out of his own body once more. When did they reach a hospital? There were more people working on him, now. Fighting a war to save a life that didn’t want to be rescued. (Or did he want to...? It was getting so hard to think clearly... To remember...) Under different circumstances it would’ve been amusing how serene his face seemed while everyone else bustled around frantically.

Time moved bizarrely slowly, especially considering how much was happening. Until everything froze entirely when someone’s voice shouted. “... stop, stop...!”

/ _“... Stop ...!”_ / Magnus shook his head against the phantom sensation of Alec’s arms reaching out for him. Keeping him from walking away, from fading away.

“... got a pulse! We got him back! Let’s go, now!”

Where were they wheeling his body? Magnus moved to follow. Until he heard his phone starting to ring.

A nurse who’d been putting his belongings to a bag heard it as well. She sought hurriedly until she managed to fish out the item. “Hello?” She listened for a moment. “I’m nurse Olivia Riley. Who am I speaking to?” This pause was a longer one. Clearly whoever tried to reach him was growing alarmed and impatient.

Magnus still wanted to find out what was being done to his body. But he was curious. Wondered who cared enough to call.

“Isabelle...” Olivia’s tone was that of someone who was used to delivering bad news. “There’s been an accident...”

Perhaps it was hearing her name. Receiving a reminder of a life he’d lost because of a drunken slip-up. Or perhaps he couldn’t stand finding out how Izzy would react to the news. All Magnus knew for sure was that he needed to get away.

He wandered around aimlessly, shuddering each time he went straight through a person instead of running into them. Time lost its meaning yet again. Did minutes pass, or full hours? He had no clue where he was going until he did. He fought the urge to roll his eyes at his own foolishness. Of course his soul would seek out his body.

He stood behind a door that led to an operating theater and peered through its window. Inside a group of medical professionals continued to try saving him. He couldn’t hear what they were saying and masks covered most of their faces. But the looks in their eyes revealed everything necessary.

They were fighting a losing battle.

Magnus stared. The mixture of resignation, horror and vague relief swelling inside him... He had no idea what to make of it.

/ 

/ _The way Magnus and Alec made love on the night they got back together was different from before. More intimate, if possible. And although Valentine had just been defeated, permanently, they both felt a tiny bit of anxiety among all the joy and relief._

_It seemed that finding their way back to each other came with a fear of getting lost again._

_Alec caressed his face and looked at him with so much love that it took his breath away. It was incredible how innocent and vulnerable someone could appear while they were naked on top of him. “I meant what I said, you know”, the Shadowhunter murmured softly. Obviously trusting him with his whole heart and soul. “I can’t live without you. And I...” The younger man shivered and looked away, then back again with naked despair in his eyes. “I almost lost you today. If Valentine got his wish...”_

_“Alexander.” Magnus kissed his beloved with far more love than he could’ve ever expressed with words. “I’m right here with you. And for as long as I possibly can... For as long as you’ll have me... I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that no angel or demon tears us apart.”_

_Alec pulled him closer with so much force that it stunned him for a second. Held on so tightly that it almost hurt. “I love you.”_

_“I love you, too.”_ /

/

Magnus came back from the memory to realize that at some point he’d moved. Confused, he wondered how long had passed. And what it was calling out to him.

“... are you saying?” Alec? What was he doing there?

Magnus realized that he was in the middle of a tiny, sparsely decorated room. It had to be one of those ‘bad news rooms’ Catarina sometimes talked about. A young doctor sighed heavily and ran a hand through her shortcut dark hair. “Alec... I’m so sorry. But Magnus... He has no existing brain activity, and as his emergency contact...” She went on, but none of the words registered properly. A million thoughts and emotions rushed in at the same time, tangling together.

And then he heard the most horrible sound in the whole world.

It took a couple of seconds before Magnus recognized it. Before he realized that Alec, who’d buried his face in his hands, was crying. The choked words were barely audible and nearly incomprehensible, made little sense. “... god ... my fault ...”

Magnus might’ve cried as well if he was able to. Alec broke his heart. Smashed it to pieces. But right there... He would’ve given anything, absolutely anything, to be able to make the archer’s pain go away. (Then again, he wasn’t the one of them who fell out of love.)

Magnus had never felt as helpless in his entire life, not even when Alec had an arrow in his chest, as he did standing there, watching the man he loved falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, dear... (winces) These poor dears, especially Magnus! Magnus, hang in there! Hmm, it seems that his subconsciousness is SO... CLOSE to figuring out the truth.
> 
> SOOO... How badly do you want to smack me for this? And was this ANY good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It ALWAYS makes my day.
> 
> NEXT UPDATE coming this Sunday, or early next week at the latest.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	3. The Demon is in the Subtext

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings run high while Magnus watches Alec reacting to what’s happening, helpless to do anything else. While his body lays dying his still very much active soul is in for a shocking revelation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s right, folks. It’s time to UPDATE! Hooray?
> 
> First, though... DAAANG, THANK YOU, so, so much, for all your comments, kudoses, love and support! It means THE WORLD to me that you’re all reading this. (HUGS) I REALLY hope that you’ll also be captivated by what’s to come!
> 
> Okay... Are you ready? Because it’s GO TIME! I really hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

Magnus watched with an unbearable amount of frustration as the nurse did what little she could to try and comfort Alec. (Offered to direct the archer to someone he could talk to... Assured him that Magnus wasn’t in any pain because he wasn’t really... there anymore... Repeated that there really was nothing else to be done...) It was one of the most maddening things he’d ever experienced in all the centuries he’d lived. (Well, technically speaking he was no longer properly alive...)

Magnus’ mind was foggy and confused. Why was Alec so shattered by this? The Shadowhunter left him, walked away from him, didn’t love him anymore. If this was all about guilt the ghost of a man wanted to reassure Alec that this wasn’t his fault. Magnus failed to pay attention and missed a damned car coming at him. This was one hundred percent his own fault. (He chose to ignore all thoughts of why he was so distracted because they hurt too much.)

Then again, did it matter who was to blame anymore? Alec made adamantly clear that there was no fixing what they once had. And Magnus didn’t think he’d be there to fix anything for much longer, anyway. Because with every second his soul was separated from his body he could feel himself slipping further and further away.

Unable to bear seeing Alec falling to pieces, Magnus let his mind wander.

/

/ _“... the one where people put those locks ...”_  
_“To show their eternal love.”_  
_“... it’s silly, but I wanted us to have a lock, too ...”_  


_Magnus didn’t have the heart to point out that in his life everything had an expiration date. That one day, one way or another, Alec would leave him and break his heart. This was the first time someone wanted a love with him to be eternal. And he himself wanted to believe in eternal love, even if only for a small stolen moment._   


_Later that day Magnus did something he’d never done with any of his past lovers, or anyone else. He opened a portal and took Alec somewhere he hadn’t visited in centuries. His grip on his boyfriend’s hand must’ve been painfully tight but the younger man didn’t complain as they stood before an ancient grave._   


_Magnus swallowed thickly. It took a long moment before he dared to risk trying his voice. “_ Mother, I... I wanted you to meet someone very important to me. This is Alexander. _”_ /

/

Coming back to the bleak present, Magnus discovered that time had moved forward yet again. Alec stood behind a door, a hand raised to open it but unable to make the motion. Then, in a manner the older man had seen far too often, the young Shadowhunter steeled himself and entered the room. Only to freeze again. Magnus couldn’t blame him.

Seeing his own body on the bed, hooked on machines that kept the empty shell alive, was a jarring experience. Apparently it was a million times harder on Alec. Tears filled the acher’s eyes, none of them spilling.

“You can touch him, if you want to. Hold his hand for example. Some people find it comforting to say a few words, before... Well.” It was the same nurse who took the call from Izzy. Her tone and the look on her face revealed that she’d done all this far too many times, with countless of people on the worst days of their lives. “Let one of us know when you’re ready. Take all the time you need.”

Alec nodded sharply, with the simple gesture making it adamantly clear that he wasn’t interested in chatting further.

Before the nurse had finally left Alec didn’t move and neither did Magnus. Then, very slowly, the archer approached and slumped to the chair that’d been placed beside the bed. It took a few moments before Alec visibly caved in emotionally and took his hand. Held on so tightly that the young man’s knuckles lost all color. (If Magnus really focused, he could feel a whisper of that touch.) “I... Magnus, I’m so sorry”, Alec whispered hoarsely. “For this... All this...”

Magnus hummed sadly. “I know. I’m sorry, too.” He’d always known that no one really lives forever, that his time would run out eventually. But to go like this... Causing Alec so much pain... It brought a bitter taste into his mouth, even if he was ready to die. (Or at least he kept telling himself that he was ready.)

Alec sniffled, just once. “You were supposed to move on, and be happy. It was... It was supposed to make you whole again”, the Shadowhunter whispered in a small and desperate, heartbroken voice. _What...?_ “I though that it was the right thing to do. You weren’t supposed to...!” The man trailed off, one tear escaping.

Magnus... was confused. What in the world was Alec talking about? How could the two of them breaking up ever make him feel whole? The more he processed those words, the more anger flared. How could Alec ever imagine that he’d just... move on, and be happy? “Stupid Nephilim”, he hissed with very little actual venom. “There’s no moving on from you for me.” Not that it mattered much, all things considered.

They were over – and he was the one leaving.

Aside the noise coming from the machinery the room was incredibly quiet. Alec sat there, holding his hand with both of his own larger ones. Crushing grief and silent despair were etched all over the Shadowhunter's features, his mouth was slightly open but speechless.

Eventually the miserable sight got too much for Magnus to take. Moving slowly and uncertainly, he closed the distance between them and placed his hands on his ex-boyfriend’s shoulders. (They were broad, and always so tense from carrying the weight of the world.)

Alec shivered, as though feeling a phantom sensation of the familiar comforting gesture. One of the archer’s hands twitched. It didn’t have the time to decide what to do before a voice spoke. “I came as soon as I got your message.” Catarina seemed hesitant, scared and so sad that it pained Magnus. (She, he and Ragnor were a supposedly inseparable trio, once upon a time. Now she’d be the last one left.) “Can I... come in?”

Alec nodded quickly and cleared his throat. “I... I didn’t know who else to call. His doctor... She said that he’s...” The trained fighter didn’t have it in him to utter the last word.

Finally getting a good look at his body, Catarina shuddered. Sheer horror appeared to her face. “By the Angel...!”

“Surely I don’t look that bad?” Magnus tried to joke. Even if he didn’t feel like joking. Even if no one would hear him. He saw the pain she was in, and would’ve sighed if he could’ve. “Catarina, I’m so sorry about this.”

Moments later Catarina got to work and all he felt was white, blinding, fire-hot pain.

There was agony. A touch. A bleeping sound that transformed to a constant wail of anguish. Someone was screaming his name. Then there was nothing.

/

Wherever Magnus’ mind ended up, he felt warm, weightless and painless. It was the best he’d felt since his magic was torn away from him. It was a heaven, a literal one or not.  


“We both know that you’re not supposed to be here yet.”

Magnus shrugged. It was shocking how little he cared, considering that this was his life they were talking about. “Neither are you.” It sounded far more wounded than he would’ve liked. “Yet here we are.”

Ragnor huffed. “At least I was ambushed by a demon. Now that, is a marvelously dramatic tale to tell. You were hit by a car.” What little lightness there was to the tone, it faded quickly. “Magnus... You have to go back, now. Before it’s too late.”

Magnus scoffed. “For what?” He emitted a tired sound. “I was already there for centuries, several lifetimes. That’s enough. Besides...” He tried not to come across as bitter as he felt. “I have nothing left to go back for.”

“Do you honestly believe that?” Ragnor didn’t wait for his answer before continuing. “My old idiot of a friend, the best is yet to come. And I’ll say ‘I told you so’ now, because I won’t be able to when you face it all.”

Even without opening his eyes Magnus could tell that the strange world around him was fading away, and he was on his way back.

/

Coming back, at least to a small extend, Magnus heard faint echoes of Catarina’s words. “... too far gone ... soul isn’t attached to his body anymore ... essentially dead ... saw what just happened, saw that his heart is giving out, too ... nothing I can do ...”

By the time Magnus, or what little there was left of his very self, was coherent enough to focus he and Alec were alone once more. Yet again he was surprised by his former lover. Because tears of palpable heartbreak rolled freely down Alec’s face.

“Magnus, please...” Alec’s voice was barely audible. Was the hold on his hand even tighter than before? “They're telling me to let you go, and... Please, Magnus. Don’t go. Because...” The Shadowhunter lifted his hand to his lips and gave it a shy, tender kiss. “I love you, more than anything.” Fresh tears appeared when those words made no difference. “I love you, and I... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, for having to make you think otherwise. But I had no other choice. I need you to know that there was no other way.”

If Magnus was still among the independently breathing folk, all breath would’ve gotten stuck in his throat. His eyes widened while his chaotic thoughts spun around and around. None of what Alec was saying made any sense. Until...

The room’s door opened, causing Alec to tense up and wipe his eyes swiftly. Magnus turned his head, expecting to find Catarina, a doctor or the nurse from before. Cold filled his soul when his eyes met someone entirely different. Someone who couldn’t possibly be there. “Father?”

Alec didn’t seem much less shocked. The archer clenched his jaw, shifting so that he was shielding Magnus’ broken, defenseless body from the Greater Demon. “How can you be here?”

“I am a Prince of Hell. And my son needs me.” Asmodeus had an unreadable look on his face. “Did you imagine that I’d be able to keep my end of our little deal without being face to face with him?”

All of a sudden everything made too much sense.

/ _“I know how important magic is to you. But is it really worth dying for?”_  
_“Maybe.”_ /  
/ _“What I’m feeling now... It may never pass. As long as I live.”_ /  
/ _“All I care about is how you feel.”_ /  
/ _“I’m in pain. But your solution to break up, how... How is that going to fix anything?”_ /  
/ _“I just wanna help.”_ /  
/ _“Without your magic you can never be happy.”_ /  
/ _“All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”_ /  
/ _“I have this meeting I... I can’t miss.”_ /

“Alexander...”, Magnus choked out. Feeling feeble in a way that had nothing to do with the fact that his body was dying. “What did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And BOOOOM. The truth is OUT. But is it too late already...? (gulps)
> 
> Thoughts? Rants? Feels...? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS make my days brighter.
> 
> In the next chapter we’re wrapping up this demonic little tale.
> 
> NEXT UPDATE COMING NEXT WEDNESDAY, or on Friday at the latest.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	4. Binding Contracts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus watches helplessly as Alec makes a deal with Asmodeus makes a deal to save his life. Will the lovers find their way back to each other again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s Wednesday. Which means that it’s time for me to be true to my word and wrap up this insane little tale. (rubs hands together)
> 
> THANK YOU, so much, for all your comments, love and support! They seriously mean more to me than I can ever say. (HUGS)
> 
> Awkay... Are you guys ready? Because here we go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

Helpless fury flared in Magnus’ soul while Asmodeus approached his body and Alec. There was no cane this time, not the slightest trace of vulnerability. This was a Greater Demon in all their questionable glory. And Alec’s posture revealed that he was a brave fool enough to take on such an opponent to protect Magnus.

Asmodeus seemed amused by the Shadowhunter’s response. “You do realize that I’ll have to touch him, don’t you?” The demon tilted his head. “Isn’t that why you invited me?” When Alec refused to budge Asmodeus’ cat eyes narrowed. “Move, or you shall be removed. Do not test my patience, I’m not a patient man.”

Slowly and visibly reluctantly Alec took a step to the side. There was a sharp, conflicted look in the young man’s eyes. “Can you save him?” So much naked despair...

Magnus shook his head. “Alexander, don’t beg with him. He’ll use that against you.”

True enough, Asmodeus reacted to Alec’s tone like a shark to a drop of blood. Golden eyes flashed while they sized up the Shadowhunter. “So it is true what they say about Nephilim and love. How fascinating. I’m beginning to understand why Magnus is so captivated by you.”

Alec shrugged, wisely not offering another word to be used as a bargaining chip.

“Magnus loves you, too. You’re each other’s greatest weakness.” Asmodeus’ chilling smirk made the dying warlock feel sick. “It seems that I had the wrong approach to this all along.” The Greater Demon tilted his head. “Should my son survive this... unfortunate little incident... I will never be enough to convince him to come back home, I see that now. But you, Shadowhunter... He already came to me once for you. I have no doubt that he’ll do so again.”

The look in Alec’s eyes gave away just how torn he still was about the price Magnus paid for Jace’s freedom. The archer shook his head heatedly. “I will never let him...!”

“Oh, but that’s just it. You won’t be letting him go where he truly belongs. He will follow you there. If I must tolerate having you around to get my son back, then so be it.” Asmodeus sounded nauseatingly sure of himself. “Love... It’s a selfish thing. Years will pass by. Years with you growing older, weak and pathetic, while Magnus continues to thrive. Eternally young. And you will realize that, what, forty, fifty years isn’t enough. That even a hundred years wouldn’t be enough when you could have forever together. I can give you two that.”

“Shut... up”, Magnus hissed, feeling every little drop of the pain he knew those words inflicted upon Alec. “Stop messing his mind like you’ve messed mine.”

Asmodeus didn’t hear him. Wouldn’t have cared even if he did. “There’s no beauty or honor in growing old and dying, Alexander. Especially when the one you love can’t grow old with you. You’re already starting to realize that, I can see it in your eyes.” The tension in the room was palpable. “My son deserves better than a pathetic mundane. When you’re finally ready to admit to yourself as much, you will come to me and ask for immortality.” _And Magnus will follow you._ It didn’t need to be voiced because it was so adamantly clear. Nothing was said about letting them go back home, afterwards, and Magnus knew why. (As far as his father was concerned, Edom was his only real home.) “If you love him as much as you claim to, you’ll do this for him.”

To the warlock’s relief Alec shook his head firmly. “No. Magnus doesn’t want to set his foot in Edom ever again. I refuse to be the reason he has to.”

Asmodeus sighed in an exasperated manner. “I don’t recall giving you a choice.” Hard, uncompromising eyes (the same that convinced Magnus to do terrible, unspeakable things) were fixed on the archer’s. “You said that you want me to save him. This is the price to pay. This is your last chance to prove that you deserve his love, that you’re willing to sacrifice as much for him as he is for you.” When Alec remained speechless Asmodeus went on. “Accept this deal... or you will be the death of him today. Because I'll have him back, he'll return to me whether he's dead or alive, in body or in spirit. You're not as fortunate.”

Magnus shook his head. Itching and burning for a way to lash out at his father, to make the monster go away. “Alexander, don’t! Please, don’t!” The burden of immortality... He didn’t want that weight crushing his beloved. “Not for me!”

Alec, of course, didn’t hear. “Even if I said yes... How am I supposed to be able to come to Edom?”

“Give me your hand, boy.” Mirth flickered on Asmodeus’ face at how the young man stiffened. “I won’t harm you. You Nephilim and your trust issues...!” The two glared at each other. “I need your answer before I get started.”

Magnus screamed, cursed and ranted. Used every bit of his willpower to stop what was happening, to spare Alec. But it wasn’t enough.

Alec gulped laboriously. Fought visibly to maintain a brave face. “Yes. For Magnus it’s always yes.”

That answer seemed to please Asmodeus. And broke Magnus’ already damaged, barely beating heart. “Consider our contract binding.”

Like in a nightmare, Magnus watched helplessly as Alec held out a hand. Asmodeus grabbed it with a disturbing amount of gentleness, then let his fingers ghost above the skin of the archer’s arm. Whatever happened made Alec cry out from pain, and Magnus wanted to lunge at his father. When Asmodeus pulled away a new, blood-red rune marred the Shadowhunter’s skin.

“What is that?” Alec managed with difficulty.

“A very special rune. It allows you to access and spend time in Edom without being harmed. Only I can remove it. And if you don’t use it within ten years, its demonic quality will kill you.” (Magnus didn’t think he’d ever experienced the kind of horror and rage those words brought him.) By then Asmodeus was practically purring. “I’m already looking forward to your stay in Edom.”

Alec said nothing. Only glared in a manner that, despite the circumstances, made Magnus feel proud of his beloved. That fighting spirit was one of the great many things that made him fall in love, after all.

Asmodeus rolled his eyes. “You’re welcome.” The Greater Demon then shifted his focus on the body in the hospital bed. “Now... It’d be rude of me to not keep my word.”

His magic returning... It hurt almost as much as having it torn away. The ghost of Magnus hissed and grunted, blinded by the agony. And then... He felt it, even if he was separated from his body. The familiar electricity, the buzz of life, coursing through his veins... It was like coming home.

The euphoria lasted until he was coherent enough to hear Alec’s voice. “Shouldn’t he be waking up? Why isn’t he?”

Asmodeus shrugged, frustration showing in every inch of the gesture. “I gave him his magic and healed him. But even I can’t force his soul into returning to his body.”

Magnus sneered. “Oh, that must be a blow to your ego”, he scoffed bitterly. “Something about me and my life you don’t have any control over.”

Magnus was surprised to see something like grief on Asmodeus’ face as his father began to leave. Was it possible that the monster... cared? Surely not.

“Where are you going?” Alec demanded, on a full Shadowhunter mode. This was a Greater Demon, after all. He couldn’t be allowed to roam around freely.

“Don’t worry, I won’t stay topside for long. I have far more interesting matters to tend to. And a meeting to attend to.” Asmodeus passed him by. And for a second, just one, Magnus wondered if his father felt him there. “I will see you soon, Alexander. Both of you. Someone of your kind isn’t my preferred choice for a son-in-law, but maybe we’ll learn to tolerate each other in a few hundred years.”

/

Jonathan lay on the ground, gasping from agony while the most violent part of his transformation began. As though in a dream, he saw the Seelie Queen approaching him. Until she screamed, and her dust rained down on him.

A man he dimly recognized as Asmodeus towered above him. “Oh, Jonathan, what a perfect weapon you’re turning into...!” the demon purred. “Sleep, now, and become what you were always meant to be. When you wake up we’ll destroy Lilith together. We’ll make her suffer just as she made you suffer before her pathetic existence ends.”

Despite all the pain he was in, Jonathan smiled while closing his eyes.

/

After Asmodeus’ departure it was just Magnus and Alec. Both of them were in pain, sad, scared and beyond frustrated. Unable to offer each other the comfort they desperately wanted to.

They both began to realize that Asmodeus' healing wasn't enough to fix Magnus.

A casual observer wouldn’t have seen anything happening while Alec began to fall apart quietly. The only warning sign was barely traceable shaking. Then, so abruptly that it startled the ghost, the archer slumped down to the chair by the bed and buried his face in both hands. Clearly that wasn’t enough. Because soon those hands were closed around Magnus’, holding on with the force of sheer despair.

Magnus fought to hold back, with all he had. But he was exhausted and hollow, even with the constantly strengthening tingle of magic. He closed his eyes, feeling it when Alec leaned down to press their foreheads together. “Alexander, I’m so sorry”, he whispered. And he was, for all this, for everything his father had put his beloved through. For what Asmodeus cursed Alec with. For having to leave like this. He didn’t want to go. But he also didn’t have enough fight in him to make it back.

Alec sobbed, just once. The sound tore at his soul. “The... The night we were supposed to have that dinner... I was hoping to give you something. I... I wanted to ask you something, and I dreamed of you saying ‘yes’.”

Magnus was somehow able to shiver when something metallic was slipped tenderly on his finger. On the very finger he’d always kept bare. “You can do whatever you want with this. After... After what I did, I understand if you take it off as soon as you wake up. But... I want you to have this, because it’s yours. And so am I.”

/ _“I love you.”_ /  
/ _“I don’t think I can live without you.”_ /  
/ _“I’m one lucky man.”_  
 _“Not as lucky as I am.”_ /

“Alexander...”

The way Alec looked at him like he was the Shadowhunter’s whole world... The way Alec smiled at him, like the usually stoic archer smiled at no one else... Magnus had been loved before, sometimes too much and unfortunately often too little. But no one had loved him like Alec did. No one had ever wanted to spend the rest of their life with him. To make a deal to become immortal for him.

“Magnus, please... Stay with me”, Alec whispered. So quietly that it was barely audible. “Come on. Stay with me. Okay?”

_I’m trying to, Alexander._ Because he finally understood that he’d never had more to stay for. Ragnor’s words from what felt like a lifetime ago echoed in Magnus’ mind.

/ _“... when that love comes back to you, you must do everything in your power to fight for it.”_ /

Magnus opened his eyes.

/ _“You and me, we always seem to find our way back to each other.”_ /

/

Time lost all meaning to Alec while the fool’s hope he’d been clinging to began to fade away. While the burning ache on his arm transformed to nothing more than a dull throb. So he had no idea how long he’d been there, pleading Magnus to come back and stay. Until the sudden sensation of... moisture.

Startled, he pulled back ever so slightly and felt his breath catch when he saw a lonely tear rolling down the warlock’s cheek. “Magnus?” he called out hesitantly. Hoping for a miracle and fearing, dreading, to be disappointed.

Agonizingly slowly Magnus’ eyes opened to meet his and the man’s hand tightened around his.

Later, after he’d been extubated by a visibly shocked nurse, Magnus rasped out determinedly. “... love you, too.” He clearly needed Alec to hear it, to believe it. He rubbed their fingers together with purpose, the ring his young lover gave him massaging the archer’s skin. “And, yes. For you it’s always yes.”

The kiss they shared was triumphant, sealed another binding contract. True, there was a great deal of uncertainty in their future. They’d need to have a long and uncomfortable, possibly loud talk. But they’d worry about the call of Edom another day.

Today they’d found their way back to each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaw! Of course Magnus made it back to Alec. (smiles) There are some clouds of uncertainty above their future, BUT they’ll face everything together.
> 
> Soooo... Was that ending ANY good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It means more to me than you’ll ever know.
> 
> And THANK YOU, SO MUCH, for reading this tale! Whoever knows. Maybe I’ll see you again?
> 
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> So... Oh boy. (whimpers) Poor Magnus! Let’s hope that he decides to hang on until he learns the truth and realizes how much he DOES have to fight for.
> 
> SOOOO... Would you like to read a few more chapters? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! It ALWAYS means the world to me.
> 
> In any case, thank you SO MUCH for reading! And who knows. Maybe I’ll see you again.
> 
> Take care!


End file.
